Yet another week off training. The weather has been cold and I’m enjoying my time with family so much, I’ve not felt like starting back knowing I just won’t commit. While I understand that the longer I take off the more difficult it will be to start back, I know that I need to be mentally ready for the commitment. I’m not there yet…but I’m getting closer.
This time of the year is a dichotomy for me. On the one hand, I’m so happy to be home with my family and enjoying time off work. On the other hand, I am melancholy looking back on yet another year past and wondering if I’m any closer to realizing my full potential. Every year gone by means less time to reach it… whatever IT might be. And with another year on the horizon, it’s time to make plans or let yet another year get by without getting any closer to a goal I’m not even sure exists.
<What goals should I set for the new year that will get me closer to using my life for what is was meant to do? Is there such a thing? And if you find it, do you know? >
<Happiness is not in doing what you love but in loving what you have to do.>
Is it a normal human feeling to feel like we are meant for more? Not that I’m not thankful for ALL I have. I realize I’ve been blessed and believe me, I’m grateful. I give thanks for all of it everyday. I’m not talking about a need for more money or fame. I’m talking about a feeling that what we’re doing utilizes our talents to their utmost and maximizes our capabilities.
<What do we NEED to do what we’re capable of?>
For example, was moving to Texas or completing the Ironman a necessary step on my search? I don’t know. I have to trust that the decisions my family and I make based on the opportunities before us and those we create, from listening to our gut and that voice in our head, and from listening through prayer and contemplation are indeed those decisions required for preparing us for the next step. I certainly learned a lot of valuable life lessons on my road to Ironman Arizona and our move to Texas has been wonderful for all of us in so many ways. Does that mean we are on the right track?
There are those who argue that life is not about some ultimate goal. It’s not about reaching the top rung on some ladder and all of a sudden realizing we’ve accomplished what we were put on Earth to do. They would say that life is about the journey. I have no argument with that kind of thinking. I just know that very few of us go through life with a passion for what we do and we only really enjoy the journey on Friday-Sunday. If we are lucky, we have impassioned moments related to what we do. Or we find other ways to gain those feelings of accomplishment and fulfillment we don’t get elsewhere. It’s like “cheating” on your day job.
<What if we were all passionate about our work? What if we worked in environments that created that passion and supported us in a way to make it so we can find happiness in what we do rather than looking for it elsewhere? What are our responsibilities in all this? How do we create this kind of environment? >
These are just some of the questions I ponder most every year end. This year is certainly no different and thanks to the time off training and work, I’ve had the opportunity to read a couple of books that are helping me answer these questions for myself.
I’ll be planning my new year in the days and weeks to come, but first I’m going to enjoy these final days at home with the kids, and Jennifer, and my grandmother who arrives from California today. My plans will include work, personal, triathlon, and family goals. With some good planning and life balance, perhaps next year at this time I’ll be able to show how I am closer to clarifying and achieving what is now a very nebulous ideal. I know those weekend long bike rides and long runs will give me plenty of time to think through it all.
Best wishes for the New Year! May it bring you the clarity of purpose we all desire.
Kia Kaha!
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