In response to Karl's post

First, here is my weekly run down:
Mon: 4 mile run
Tue: Rest
Wed: 12 hour brutal work day with 2 hr commute
Thr: 12 hour brutal work day with 2 hr commute
Fri: 12 hour brutal work day with 2 hr commute
Sat: 12 hour brutal work day with 2 hr commute
Sun: 8 hour work day with 2 hr commute

Summary: Total work hours = 72 hours with 14 hours commute time. And no offense guys but this is no desk job. 110 plus heat index, working on concrete, doing repetitive motion. A little hard on the feet, knees, and back.... not to mention driving me totally insane!

Now in response to Karls blog: First and foremost, I'd like to express my most sincere graditude to this blog and Karl Millers efforts behind it. I know there has been many contributors, however, Karl has been the social media guru of the team. Thanks my brother. Secondly, this blog, this group of friends, and this life style has literaly changed my life and brought me out of a real bad place in life. I am eternally grateful for that road trip some 3 years ago where I participated in my first and only team triathlon. With this said, my life still has one major hole. As you can see from my above week, I am still owned by Akebono Brake Manufacturing of E-town. I must replace my job with a career in which gives me my life back. No one really understands the pains of working everyday on concrete doing repetitive motions being micromanaged to every 30 seconds until you've wore the workshoes to prove it. I have let myself become institutionalized by being complacent with a paycheck and a benefits package. Don't get me wrong.... I'm most grateful for my job as it has been a provider for me and my family (especially in this day of the great recession). I've always had my basic needs met and have never been hungry nor homeless. I've also had a great life and in fact, right now, I can't ask for one other thing (other than a new job) that would complete me. I have it all without having it! I've got a beautiful home (over 3,400 square feet) in Old Louisville with stimulation in abundance and all I do is sleep in it. I have a wonderful wife whom I see in passing. I have 5 kids and an awesome family that I dont get to visit. WHY? Because I work everyday at akebono e-town. Its the most unethical treatment of human life imaginable. It matters not to them if its mothers day, fathers day, your birthday, or the death of a friend... you must work, make brakes, so they may become wealthy. Evidently Japan doesnt teach business ethics and they obviously misunderstand the Man, Machine, Material and Method approach to manufacturing. They see the man as nothing more than another tool/machine. They give me a job and require my life in return. Now given this small description of my job.... there is an obvious problem in my life that needs changing. I know this and have recognized such need. I am taking proactive measures by going back to school and getting retrained for something more suitable. However, this also requires my time (that I dont have)...between work, school, and life there is little time for exercise or blogging. This all adds up to damn if I do and damn if I don't. It is a vicious cycle of reciprical determinism that frustrates the hell out of me. Almost a case of learned helplessness of wanting to curl up in the fetal or beat the hell of somebody (preferably a Japanese CEO) to relieve the tensions. Basically, I'm at a breaking point of what to do... I must keep the job for a bit longer. I must stay proactive and fight the good fight. I must keep putting the left foot in front of my right.... it just gets harder everyday. To make a long story a little shorter: "where does this leave me with Team Topper Tri?" Well my friends, I will continue to try to find some sort of balance in this journey of life. I know that I need to continue a healthy lifestyle. However, here are some things that I have struggled with since my 26.2 marathon in 2009. Since that day, I realized that I dont have what it takes to be a distance swimmer. I have the heart of an Ironman, just not the swimming technique required. I soon realized that I may never qualify for the Boston Marathon. Also, I won't be riding with Lance Armstrong anytime soon. In addition to this I required another knee surgery where I learned that arthritis is eating away at my knees as well as my back. All this coupled with an economic nightmare that has turned us all into work-a-holics as put a damper on my training and blogging. So Karl, you have awoke me with your blog... What the Hell is going on around here? I now reflect why I do this. And from the great Mark Miller, I quote, "To better the I am!" I no longer do it for the medals, trophies, recognition, or any kind of bragging rights.... I do it for me.... It makes me happy (tired, but happy. These past few years have been one hell of a ride and Im not done yet. When I can no longer deal with my stressors, I lace up the sneakers or I "clip in" the Fuji and go seek that endorphin high. This year has been filled with change....crazy change... most all has been positive change but none the less comes with its own stressors. My current problem is to regain my life back... Not only my time for me (exercise), but time for my wife, kids, and other family members.
I don't have time for anything... school, work, eat, sleep & repeat.... I miss my wife, miss my kids, miss myself.... I'm sure you all can relate to missing a workout. You miss your "fix"... like a crack whore who doesn't get the drug. I'm at a serious struggle not only with Team Topper Tri, but with life. It's like I have all the toys in the world a man can need... but I can't play with them. I'm at a difficult time in my life yet again...I certainly still need my friends and this blog site.... However, its less now for athletic support and more for reminding me of where I was, where I am, and where I am going. So please understand my time is limited.... I dont have a smart phone or 24/7 access to the web to become a social media guru. I don't have a brand and not certain that I want one... The last time I checked my "brand" smelled quite badly. I'm just life most others in this world....I could wright a rather long novel about my life.... problem is nobody want to read it because its the same shit everyone else is dealing with. I sit here and think about this post.... I wander to myself if I'll ever find that peak performance again..... will I ever have another six-pack.... will I ever learn to swim? Do I want these things.... do I need these things..... or is this post a simple "cry out" for help for someone on the brink of an emotional breakdown.... Boys, I'm on the fine line of trudging ahead with much toiling or simply saying the hell with it. Im just a simple man in a very complex world. Karl, your post has got me thinking.. it has touched me... and it has received my attention and time.... I dont know what the future holds for any of us or out athletic or social media endeavours....I do know that Im still in search of balance and the pursuit of happiness... Im getting closer...just not today. In the mean time, I just got done running for 1 hour and 26 minutes non stop along the ohio river through downtown Louisville.... Fucking Beautiful..... excuse my language..... I think I will find a place for my chin-up bar and rekindle my core exercises and maybe sign up for a marathon for next spring. I need to get my ass moving again and make time for those things that are important to me... I shall continue to "Better the I am" by whatever means necessary. I will find time and will not let Akebono own me any longer. And if God gives me the knees and back to do so.... I'll go to my grave running like hell with a well defined six-pack......Thanks for you post and thanks for the motivation that I so needed.......

dino