Use "We" and "Please", Please.

I serve on a committee where our chair is always telling us what to do. She never asks for our help. She demands it while taking our acquiescence for granted. And when she speaks about what we want or need as a board, it's always "What I need is..." and "What I want is..."

Take notice of how many times we use "I" during our day. Are there times when we could use "we" instead? Very few of us do anything during the day that doesn't involve other family members or co-workers. Are you taking all the credit? Are you acting unconsciously selfish and/or self-absorbed? Are you using "I" around the members of your team?

Chances are that if you are an "I" person, you are also a rare user of the word "please." After all, why ask people when you don't think you rely on anyone else? We "tell" people what to do because to us "asking" means we are dependent. We enjoy being served rather than being helped. What we don't realize is that people are more likely to enjoy doing what we "ask" than what we "tell" them to do. One makes them feel helpful. The other makes them feel patronized. We catch more flies with honey than vinegar. How many people do you know who would admit they like being told what to do rather than being asked to do something?

Check your emails and listen to your verbal interactions with family, friends, and co-workers. Are there a lot of "I" and command statements rather than "we" and "please" statements?  

Poor managers think "telling" is their job. Strong managers realize that "asking" gains the loyalty of their employees. Poor managers believe they succeed independently. Strong managers realize success is achieved through interdependence.

Karl Miller

Posted via email from Karl Miller Lugo